Jason Voorhees – Complete Maniac / Best Horror Movie Killer of All Time
The origins of the Jason Voorhees story are that Jason drowned accidentally while he was at summer camp, and he drowned in the lake, and the reason he drowned was because his camp counselors had just been jerking around drinking and doing it. That’s part of the reason that the villain Jason Voorhees goes around and kills camp counselors that are partying and having sex. He’s trying to get vicarious revenge. Jason hated that he died in such a loser-like way, and that’s why he’s so serious about getting revenge by cruelly murdering camp counselors, bad authority types, addicts, teenagers, and whores, and anybody else who’s off their game like they’re having sex, partying, or drinking. Even anyone that’s just letting loose or hanging out is on his list of people to kill.
He doesn’t kill children though, because he empathizes with them. Despite what people may think about Jason being an indiscriminate killer, and being dumb, that’s not true. There’s a method to his madness. He kills those that are representatives of the attitudes, feelings, and perspectives that were responsible for his death in the first place, and he empathizes with those that were like him when he died too. He’s actually thinking about who he’s killing. When he’s not living in the lake, or trapped because he’s anchored to a rock there, he likes to stab people, break windows, and occasionally get hit by lightning.
Jason Voorhees is over six feet tall, and he’s a mountain that runs through the woods with a machete and a hockey mask, and he has to be seriously considered. He looks like a demon, and he’s sort of a cross between a tiller of the rotary kind and Ron Hextall. He’s also got a ton of hardcore features like being a gigantic monster, not being emotional, not cracking terrible jokes, and being incredibly ugly. Jason doesn’t even really have a real purpose for killing most of the people he does. They just get in his way. Jason doesn’t really have a bad outlook or a bunch of pent-up rage. He just has no affect, he shows no mercy, and he’s just a death robot who cuts happy teenagers in two because he has nothing better to do with his time. We can confidently guess that he enjoys hockey because he has it on all the time. He either got it in a normal way, or he crushed the goalkeeper’s head with his own hands. That hockey mask is really the only idea that he cares about. He doesn’t even really care about the mask because he didn’t wear it in the sequel, and he wears a burlap sock on his head in lieu of that. You might have believed Resident Evil had invented the hockey mask, but Jason was wearing the mask in the 1980s before that. He’s such an amazing trendsetter.
Jason’s also a total maniac because he doesn’t run from anything. This is partially because real slashers can’t run really fast, but it’s also because he’s very confident that you’re going to get killed in a painful way, whether you run or not, and he doesn’t want to really try to kill you. It’s just a given, and it makes no difference if you can high-tail it or do a little diddy, because Jason is going to kill you like a plane crash and leave you rdead body in the forest so it can rot. He’s a master of violent death. He constantly gets rained on though, even though he drowned in a lake. He just can’t get away from the water. It’s pretty hard on him. Just being able to stand out on the rain without showing any affect is a real quality of a complete maniac. It would have to bother anyone else, but he shows no signs of emotions at all whatsoever.
Jason is also a master of espionage and stealth. You wouldn’t think he’d be so awesome at sneaking up and hiding, because he’s 250 pounds, and he’s undead, and he’s a machete-wielding killer with a permanent blood grudge against anyone and anything that isn’t currently dead. That’s just the way Jason Voorhees is, and he’s really good at it. You can’t kill him, but he can kill you. It always works out that way.
Jason’s main killing instrument is a machete, and it’s a time-tested, true way of killing that’s been used for centuries past. Jason Voorhees is efficient at cutting off peoples’ heads, imaling people, and hurting you with deadly accuracy. As great as cutting a guy in two while he’s doing a handstand or hacking up a teenager in a wheelchar and kicking him down the stairs is, Jason doesn’t even have to have his machete to kill people. He can kill folks with his bare hands or anything else around him to murder stupid teenagers wherever he discovers them. He’s killed people with all sorts of implements over the movies that include hypodermic needles, ice picks, wrenches, harpoons, scythes, tent pegs, spears, scalpels, corkscrews, hacksaws, knitting needles, pitchforks, and meat cleavers. He’s even popped a guy’s eyes out of his head by just squeezing it tight, and he knocked a boxer’s head off completely with a clean right hook. Interestingly, Freddy Krueger couldn’t take him down. He just pulled Jason’s arm, impaled him, and he got away with the severed head of Freddy Krueger.
He’s also great utilizing a crossbow, and that is pretty awesome, and it appears that wherever he is, there are girls with their bras off. His whole life is sort of a combination of Girls Gone Wild and CSI. Jason attracts all sorts of chicks, and it’s hard for any heterosexual film fan to dislike all that female toplessness.
You can’t kill Jason either, because he’s already dead. He’s been hit with everything, electrocuted, burned, drowned, blown up, and shot. He just keeps on going, and he keeps on decapitating people with his machete. Even when you stab or drown him, he just gets right back up and starts killing again. They even had him cryogenically frozen, and he came back from that. Even though he’d been defrosted for several thousand years, he still didn’t cool down, pun intended, and he just kept on his killing spree, and he was some kind of cyborg at that point. He just went right back to hacking college students that were having sex. He really hates people that are having sex.
It takes a real total hardcore mother f#$%@$ to make teenage guys afraid of going into the woods to have sex with some hot girls. Jason Voorhees has been doing this for 30 years though. He’s had 146 murders during his whole film career, and that’s a pretty big total considering most actors that go on the big screen now are lucky to get even 146 minutes on the screen. Jason has terrified a couple generations of people, and he’s singularly made hockey masks frightening, and he’s become an iconic movie slasher in film history. If that isn’t horrible enough, the actor who did his character could vomit whenever he wanted to, which is awesome.